Give and take....

Today...

I'm thankful for:

- early mornings...when everything is quiet and the world is rising, there is a joy and antipation and peace that can only be felt at the dawn of day.

- the Anthony Henday...thank you for properly moving traffic despite rush hour.

- for beautiful smiles...you brighten up my day ;)

- for scottish oatmeal...really make a great breakfast with organic bluberries and little syrup.

- for friends who outlast time itself. You make the world of a difference in my life...

- warm hearts...your heart fills mine when nothing else will.

- for guidance of the Spirit... blesses my every thought, heart beat and word.

- for those not so good with words...you share more than words can say!

:)
..all for u.


Ok...so lots has happened but well since this isn't a blog devoted to the gossip that is my life, I'm just going to share some wonderful and fascinating things the Lord and others have bless ed to share with me and the lessons I've learned.

Now if I already shared some of these, that's ok...I feel they might need some repeating.

1. It's your intention and the spirit something is done in that truly affects your communication.

Someone shared with me something so important and simple that it's easy to forget.

As Dr John Lund Says : you can't fulfill the Lord's plan using the adversary's ways.

They were sharing about the difficulty to know when to be firm and soft and where that balance lies and then told me after much prayer how it really has everything to do with intention.

It's like it says in Moroni (it's a short book; you can find it)

Giving alms with improper intention...for pride for instance, only does one thing: help you feed your pride.

Our intentions, hearts and spirits and even beliefs of someone is always felt or conveyed however we choose to treat others.

Children most of all are especially sensitive to our feelings and thoughts and intents.

This could turn into a long exposition so I'm going to keep it short:

A. Are you truly unselfishly and lovingly doing and saying what you are saying? If not, and you don't feel it, neither will the person you are giving it to? Search your intentions: Are you trying to control, manipualte, coerce, force, bribe, make another see you a certain way?

B. to you parents out there: Remember if you know you are doing your best and doing your best to love the Lord and serve Him and do your best with your children, you intentions and feelings will be felt years down the road when they grow up.

There is also another side to all of this: you are not the cause of your childrens every bad mood or anxiety. Just a thought.

C. If you ever get confused, remember how the Lord loves you and how much He loves you and with every imprefection or mistake, He can heal , take up the slack and help you do better every day.

D. This just came to my mind...I wonder if our thoughts and intentions for ourself are ever noticed...Neat idea huh? What's my intention for doing this for/ to myself?

E. Something I do which has and will continue to bless my life is when I don't feel 100% filled with the Spirit or I feel slightly distanced from the presence of the Lord, I pour my heart out to the Lord... in my heart or out loud. I just expose how I'm feeling and 100% of the time I not only can figure it out but I can also feel the Lord heal and support me and if need be I give something to my Saviour to help me heal or repent of. The Lord is perfect at helping you see what's wrong and why. Counsel with Him...He knows what to do or just what to say to heal you(not just make you feel better).


2. Give not take.

This was and still boggles my mind.

One day I was talking with a friend and they were telling me about how they had some pretty crumby jobs in the past but they were always able to find something to enjoy about the job and if you looked hard enough, you could always find something...

Then this hit me:

People who gripe and complain about life are in a sense selfish.

(and by people I mean me...and I'm repenting everyday for it)

To a complainer, life is about how life is supposed to be this way, this job is supposed to be this way, they are supposed to be this way...

Versus an optimistic shiny happy person is different.

Instead of forcing how things are supposed to be, they look at life and see what life is giving them. What the job is giving them, this person, nature, everything! They notice all that is given to them and take in the good and focus on just that. I'm not advocating not setting goals or the like but I feel that being unsatisfied with life isn't always the best and most inspiring way to live, even as a means to change your life. It's like complaining to get the "happiness" or "success". Does that seem right to you?

Seeing what can be improved is important in our lives but if that's all you see, then life is harsh...even if you change things around you, this can develop into and power complex of havinng to or needing to control everything around you...I'm just speculating at this point but that's what I sense.

It's my personal opinion that real change happens after we've had a real change of heart (Atonement) and in so doing we go from a selfish heart (believe me, we all have it to some degree) to an unselfish one and then we see the world differently...

Suddenly, life it's about taking , but giving AND receiving .

And receiving opens up hope and notcing God's hand in everything and that you are blessed, of infinite worth and the Lord and universe want to bless you. This has blessed me with inspriration to now give back to life and also trust that God wants me to be blessed and succeed and I therefore feel inspired to set goals and create a vision of service and joy that are who I am meant to be and live as.


OK...so this might not as goos as my other posts but I'm happy I cna share some of my ideas and thoughts with you. To all of you reading this: you mean the word to me and I hope something I share here inspires you and blesses your life to some degree or measure.

I hope you have a joyful and thank-filled day!


Next up: You might be gossiping and not know it and service: it's everywhere did you know?

Time tempers all things....

So it's been a few crazy weeks. My apologies for not posting sooner. Sometimes so much happens at once, it gets difficult to mentally keep up with everything you learn and learning from.



Thankful:



-I'm thankful for my heart. It's senstive but it's also strong compassionate and tender and I'm gratful to God for blessing me with this heart.



-I'm grateful for support I feel from the Spirit and unseen hands everyday. It astounds and amazes me how manys things touch my life in so many different ways.



-i'm grateful for the sun. It reminds me of how beauty exists in all things and that it's not how something looks but how deeply it contributes and gives to you and supports you that truly makes something or someone beautiful. More than what you see but what is felt.



-I'm grateful for answers to prayers and revelation. I am so blessed to be guided everyday and receive constant communication from God to guide my life.





I am so grateful for so much, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. there is so much to be grateful for and yet the things that touch my heart and life the deepest are not things I can express with words or descriptions. It's in the quite tender moments either in contemplation or when I'm with someone I love and simply talking and the presence of God can be felt that moves my soul to pieces.





Here's where things get difficult: so much has happened to me in the last 2 weeks that to put it all down would take me all day and then some.



It's my prayer that I'll be guided to share things that need to be shared in a manner that only the Spirit can convey.



It's tough to share on my blog because I've made a committment to keep this blog completely annonymous and I have no desire to point out the stories of my life that would reveal personal or even sacred details concerning my or others lives.



I'm a pretty private person.



Still there are important things I want to share so here goes:



Recently I've been blessed to witness 3 individuals in my life who expressed and showed me such courage it has astounded me. Courage to trust God and listen. In that courage I've noticed that God's hand supporting them in growth and learning.







All things denote a God...even your life.



I had a revelation/dream a while back. In that dream I was looking up at the stary skies and suddenly struck with the deepest impression that the very hand that guides the stars to move them was also the hand that guides my life and how much more important I am then a star to God.



Since this time, I've been noticing more and more miracles show up in my life and even been blessed to have some come to pass in my own life. I have been witness to miracles I can't even share here and yet it astounds me how far removed I was from ever even noticing them at all in the past.



How can a fish notice the sea or a tree see the forest or a man and his purpose except through the eyes of someone who sees it all.



There is reason and purpose in all things. There's a reason I'm writing this in fact. It's no accident. I originally told myself I wouldn't share that dream about the stars and yet I feel compelled to. Why? I do not know but I trust and believe regardless of what I see to think or comprehend.



Recently a tragedy entered my life. Some of you may know it, some of you may not. Regardless I couldn't understand why until many reasons that came later. It saved a friends life, placed me in a position to be able to help 3 people going thorough tragedies similar to mine and also helping 2 other people bring about similar miracles into their life and this is not the end of it. I've been blessed to see the deeper and longer consequences of their lives and choices not only in the past but the road ahead.



What astounds me even more in particular was a revelation I received a while back that was like no other that had ever been revealed to me before and has tested and pushed the reaches of not only my powers and abilites to exercise faith but learn of it as well and puch me beyond what I ever thought I was capable of sustaining or learning before. I never would have received such a miraculous blessing and experience had I not been blessed with the trial I received. This impression changed not only my life and understanding of it but opened gateways to strength, understanding and develpoment that I previously had no access to or ability to attain.



It was this trial that exposed me to rely on faith in such a way as to invite something greater in my life and push and test myself in ways I cannot expound upon.



In so doing it prepared me to receive something I was not prepared for or expecting or even thought I was worthy of receiving let alone possbile.



It's one thing to repent. It's one thing to become a new man and have a true change of heart. And it's another thing to become someone who God sees fit to bless with things you never thought were possible. Not just repentance or a change of heart or power to transfix faith into greater things...and it's one this to be privileged to see what the one who created the trees can see, even a glimpse.



I will not go into greater depth.



This much I will testify:



Miracles of the past are the same today as they were then and literally.



If there are any part of the scriptures you read and say "Well that could never happen to me"....well why not?



The very power that moves the stars, influences and guides your life. Ponder that and pray about it and seek understanding about it more and how to apply this knowledge to your life.



I wish I could expound upon this more but I cannot. Learn about faith. What it is, how to apply it and what you can do to increase it's power in your life.



Here's a great question to ask "Why does faith exist?"



Faith serves a purpose you know. Everything serves a purpose. Everything...



Once you understand somethings purpose, you're nature and relationship to it changes forever.





Find the purpose in the things around you. and in yourself and in your life. They are often just sitting before you but we cannot see because we neither believed, exercised enough faith (more than belief) or have quite exercised faith long or hard enough...but all things can be revealed "to even the least Saint as fast as they are willing to bear it" (Joseph Smith Jr.) To bare it...Interesting word to use, no?



I hope my life continues to develop and the powers of faith I've been blessed with increase and the recent miracle I've been blessed to receive will fully come to fruition soon to so that it can bless the lives of others beyond my scope and understanding.

Things that make yo go Hmmm....

So I haven't written in my blog for a few days and what a wild ride that has been let me tell you....

Ok, nothing significant that I cna tell you about except for things that occurred in my heart recently that I cannot divulge.

Still I feel it necessary to share.

What I am thankful for....

It's been an interresting past few months. In particular these last few days.

I again cannot get into those details. Here is what I will say:

I'm thankful that at times it's hard to be thankful. I'm grateful when times are tough. i'm grateful for the example so many strong and wonderful people leave in their wake throughout my life.

I am grateful for sorrow and pain because it helps us reach out and find healing and then those that need to be healed.

I'm grateful for song, both of the voice and of the heart. How wonderful it is to express gratitude to God every single day in solitude and prayer and leave this world behind for just one moment and talk with my dad.

Things I have learned:

How wonderful it is to learn about love! Of all of the things one can learn this is the greatest one of all.

I've learned so much and recently about God's love and how it relates to agency.

how important it is that we emulate this pattern.

I've discovered that pretty much my whole life I've been exposed to "false love" as I like to call it:

Force, coerision, bribery, threats, preaching, commmanding, criticism and overcared for.

Real love is different. It doesn't impose or force or coerce. It invites, offers and respects. Loves depsite all conditions.

Instead of offering advice, real love listens, values the person and their feelings and simply invites them to exercise their own free agency.

God never "lectures" or "belittle" or "guilts" us into anything. That's man's imposition.

God listens. Loves you, believes and supports you. If there is something He doesn't agree with, he doesn't accuse you or make you change or throw on the guilt trips. He mention the consequences and invites us to think about them for ourselves and always shares how he feels about the behoviours but never on our value.

How perfect is that!

If only I could be as perfect in my love as this at all times.

It hurts to love sometimes because sometimes someone won't allow you to show them your love. Siblings, frineds, even coworkers or spousese. That's perfectly natural and ok! People tend ot panic but that's fear not love. Trust, respect and love. In that case, we wait patiently and wait for opportunities when we can offer love and service. They may still refuse. That is ok, because we are not alone. We don't have to do it all ourselves. God can and does intervene on our behalf to help souls heal, hearts to be softened and minds to be opened.

It is hard at times, but unconditional and pure love and respect are teh only way in which we cna truly help and love another. Even if our point is correct, it's not our business to impose what that person needs to seek or imporve or forgive.

Love does not confine. It nourishes the way a gentle flower is nourished.

Little at a time and we nourish this budding flower according to what the flower needs and tells us, we regularly reach out and extend our love and not according to what we want or think it needs. You can't force a flower to grow. Too much water or sunlight could kill it. The flower is always given love and consideration and attention, sometimes in different ways and at different times but it is always given and not for our purposese but in the joy of seeing it grow and awakening our hearts as we see it grow. The flower then takes that love and according to it's abilities, choices, it chooses to grow. It is at a pace and willingness that they are ready to receive it. It's not about them loving you back. If they choose to do so, how wonderful but real love...that is a different story all together.

Ours is not to make a flower grow. It cannot be forced but we can do things that constantly nourish, bless and assist the flower as strives to come into full bloom. Ours is to love the flower and remind that flower how beautiful and gorgeous, warm, inspiring, soft, kind, and loving and so much more than it is and not just in thought and word but in action and behave. To remind that flower of who she can be and that no matter what or how or where she chooses to be, you will always love her with all of your heart.

Share your love!

Tell them! Show them! Be love! Love that is insincere is only self seeking.

(sans cere; without wax; relates to marble sculptures and how pure, strong and without flaw a sculpture was because it didn't have wax on it. Wax was used in those times to hide flaws; to be sincere is to be without guile and 100% honest and mean what we say and do from the deepst parts of our souls)

Insincerity is about appearances but not about what is truly in the heart and mind of that person. It is to appear loving.

In fact repentance is such a powerful gift because it teaches us what sincere love is and how to truly be sincere again for the first time. I believe one who lack the personal heart felt wisdom of God's love through the Atonement or in general doesn't recognize God's love in their life and in their heart, is truly incapable of true sincerity at the deepest levels. It's something I've noticed in my life and sad to say something I continually strive to repent of.

Oh that every word, thought and deed we had were truly and deeply sincere.

Sincere and selflessness are one fo the only pathways to true and lasting and deep abiding love. This is the love that heals. This is the love that changes people and changes lives. This is the love that opens our eyes to see and hear and feel anew what we once thought was real. This is the love the changes all things because we are changed.

I challenge you to truly seek and find this true and real love in everything you do.


Love...

Just love.


Another thing I've learned is a about absolute assurance and true faith.

I'll get into that another day though.

I hope you enjoyed another one of my posts. Feel free to share and comment about my blog. I'm pretty open so let er rip.

Thanks for all of the comments so far. Means a lot to me.

Wish you the best!

There is no perons or power that can resist true unconditional love.

The path is not always what you see on the map....

I want to express my gratitude:

-For kind and loving and honest open friends who help me to see what I at times cannot see adn to maintain faith for things that at time I struggle to sustain faith in (myself included)

-I am grateful for the gifts the Lord gives us. We at times focus so much on our weaknesses that we often forget and ignore our strengths.

We a blessing it is to ahve strengths that we can not only feel worthy to have and receive but also to bless the lives and strengthen and encourage the lives of those around us with.


Today's lessons:

- The path is almost never supposed to be the way we plan. If it were always so our hearts and minds would never have to reach out in faith and begin to have a God complex of being able to control everything.

-2. If you are hurt, it's in your hands and it's not always your fault.

So today I had a moment. It's amazing how despite how incredibly well you may be feeling about everything, something happens to braing to our awareness another weakness we need to work on. It's in our ability and willness to to see our weaknesses as they arise in our lives.

This quote is what one of the most powerful quotes I have ever read and changed my life forever. If it had not been for this quote I would never have had the stregth or faith to go through and start my repentance process to the degree and level that I felt I needed and was asked of me andb required of me.

Here it is:

"God hath not revealed anything to Joseph, but what he will make known unto the Twelve, and even the least Saint may know all things as fast as he is able to bear them..."

Discourses of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 150-151

Wow! What a quote.

Anyways, this willingness to bear all things....defines me in ways that I feel I will spend the rest of my life striving to live and understand.

As we see our weakness and admit them, the opportunity to see and grow is revealed to us and we now sit on the crux of a new life and new self or self retreat.

Today at some games night we played this board game. No big deal right?

Well I won't get into the major details but I reacted and noticed that there was pain I was hiding from.

I despise competition and despise people even jokingly lying and acting prideful or making fun of otehrs and not giving all of there energies in supporting others around them, never even being away of the fact that there are sensitive people around them that could be hurt even by their pretend comments. I don't like the idea of pretending in doing these things. Playing pretend of such things that in real life are hurtful and painful to others and ourselves is well practicing being cruel and lying and uncaring and selfish and ...etc I don't do well in groups or group games. I even hate winning at times ebcause I don't want someone else feeling like they lost even if it bugs them a little bit.

You see there is a bit of a secret I've sort been hiding:

Growing up, I could pick up any sport I wanted and master it virtually over night. Basketball was a particular easy game for me to paly that I was even asked for a couple of years to try out for Basketball when I was younger.

But I immediately hated it. I loved to play but suddenly I would play with others and swearing and hating and yelling and vindictiveness and pride and ego all became a part of it and I immeidately quit. I hated it. Ever since those younger years, I refused to play any team soprts from that day on unless feelings of fun and encouragement were involved. To this day I still get sick to my stomach when people say they admire someone for being great at basketball.

Now you might be thinking that wait, you must be so spiritual or crazy..

I'm not done.

There is more.

I won't get into grave detail but growing up someone in my life made it their life's mission to make sure I felt they were better then me in every way, that they were super successful and and that I could never be good at anything regardless of what I did and if I ever did even slightly well at something, would tear me down, make some snide remark, make fun of it/me or convince me I wasn't good enough. Everyday of my life was the gravest and most painful of competitons; I competed for their love and approval and by the end of it, I was somehow always ended up the loser or wimp. Every day I heard that "you are not tough enough" as a result I unconsciously decided without my consent or awareness that I couldn't be anything else but a loser or I was doing something wrong.

That's just messed up.

But here's the clincher...

I get sick to my stomach and hurt and angry over the way people play a simple game...

I don't even know how to have fun at some of these things.
I love working together towards a common goal and creatively playing and comnig up with ideas and inspiring others. For heaven's sake, EFY my kids won the cheer contest (that was all Kaylee though)!

I'm not going to give you my life story but here is the point:

1. My pain is my responsibilty even over something as small as pain over a board game. It may seem stupid to you and if you've palyed dumb games with me before you may barely have noticed I even had an issue but inside on a deeper level things were happening that I wasn't aware of.

Pain is always obvious when we act in a manner that is contrary to Christ's example. EVERYTIME! That might seem too much to handle but I believe this is accurate and true to the tenth degree.

2. It's almost never all of your fault when you feel pain or that it's about the people immediately in front of you. It's often from the pains left behind by the incorrect beliefs or hurtful behaviours others leave in their wake because they could not love themselves or know how to show love to you.


How wonderful and compassionate it is for me to have a Saviour who sees and had the compassion and patience and power to show me these things this last night. It's something so simple but profound. How long He must wait until the perfect time until we are ready to see and feel the things He desires to show us.

I've suffered from this all of my life and it may seem simple but it's prevented me from enjoying so many good things and moments in my life. It's not like it's some full blown debilitating thing but it does affect the way in feel and choose to react over something that is meant to be light hearted and fun. Now some of you may be judging me because of my "wimpness" or "sissyness" or being to vulnerable or insecure (which I admit I have deeply in many areas of my life) about such a thing and it's not manly, well I say go fly a kite.

The truth of any man's strength lies in his willingness to face the truth and his truth and not hide from it. To listen to the Lord and listen well and His wird and will sink in our hearts.

I'm not afraid to tell you I have a silly yet very real issue concerning my self worth that is not true or real but a figment of my imagination caused by untruthful beliefs.

All pain is caused by incorrect beliefs. I know if we truly had the mind of Christ and saw things as He did, we would never feel pain that limited us again and only if ever feel sorrow for our fellow man.

Here's a question for you: God doesn't have self esteem issues. Why?

That's a question I hope to figure out and learn from as I learn and search for answers.

My extra points are this:

1. Having the Spirit of the Lord is to have the mind of Christ. Even the smallest slight in our hearts takes our heart away from the presence of the Lord and is why even in the smallest of things we should openly admit and invite the Lord to heal us of such things. Again, cry to the lord all day.

It was just a stupid board game but in the moment I felt pain and hurt and reacted maybe not in the best way.

Love castesth away all fear. How could I have been loving to myself and others in that moment? Love is hard to hold pr conjure when past hurts haven't been dealt with though.

How terrible the adversary is that he traps us in the vices not of simply addiction but lies about ourselves and who we are. Helping to keep us feeling bad is means to which the adversary halts us from feeeling or knowing the Lord's will.

2. Hurt is always an invitation to draw closer to God in every way. Bring it to the Lord and counsel with Him. He has suffered it and overcome it and has the perfect counsel to teach and bless and guide you. He's been there and is there going through it with you. Rest assured that you hav a Father in Heaven that loves, leads and guides you in all things.

3. As we learn to listen to the Spirit more intimately in our lives, we can recognize those minor hurts we at times are unaware and rob of us the smallest of joys. Our hearts are freeer and notice more beauty and love and caring in our lives. It's unforced, something I still notice and feel foreign to when people try to be open and loving and "happy". A truer state of heart and life exists in us as we go to the Lord frequently and repent and heal of our current and past transgressions and listen to the whispering of the Spirit and invite a meekness and willingness in our hearts and minds to be filled with love.

Perfect love casteth away all fear. This is something I am still studying and striving to understand.

Let me get back to a conversational discussion:

I used to watch Hockey almost everyday. I was the BIGGEST OILERS and CANUCKS FAN! I was eight and knew every player in every league and at 12 I think I even called the local radio station to discuss the reason why the Canucks lost the playoffs due to a weak and slow defense that put too much presure on the goalie. The forwards ( including Pavel Bure) over extended along with in particular the defense when they went for goals..or something like that. I almost won our hockey pool in juniour high for heaven's sake. I also enjoyed watching the Olympics every time they were on religiously and also had an affinity for basketball but not as much as hockey. I was always jeolous other kids got to play it because well we couldn't afford to play it.

I was a huge hockey fan! I used to pretend to play hockey while my brother and I wathced games hoping our moves helped them score goals in the play offs.

When I grew up though, when my Dad watched a sport he completely ignored me so much so I went from hockey fan to never wathcing the sport again. Nothing elwse mattered. We didn't matter. The stupid game mattered. I wasn't even allowed to speak while a game was on, be it hockey, baseball (when my dad was shortly into it) and most of all the olympics.

It used to be something that brought me such joy.

I now hate hockey...or at least I thought I did...

Our pain changes us, holds us back and disfigures us and our self worth. Our truest selves lie dormant as something foreign and unnatural immerges.

I just remembered some of my favorite moments growing up and being in 4 ( or was it 5) different Stanley Cup celebrations waiting in line all day to get Yari Kuri's signature and poster...

It's amazing how something so simple and silly can hide so much.


Notice your pains and openly take them to the Lord and continue taking them to Him. Somethings will take time but remain faithful. He will provide healing and answers if you are wiling to do your part.

I hope someday soon I can watch sports again and participate without feeling wrong about it or hurt or even play board games and not feel threatened or insecure...although I still hate even pretending to hate or lie or cheat or discourage others. Maybe one day I'll see it a different way.
It may seem like something simple to you but I lost the desire and ability to enjoy something and refrained from participating in something that was a joy and slightly dear to me because of these small and simple wounds I did not notice or was willing to see.


Be willing to see. Willing to open your mind and heart and let the Lord guide you. He has answers, healing and gifts like no other to heal you and correct your way and reveal to you who you really are, were before this life and who you can and will become if you follow His counsel and desirously seek to live the commandments.

Seek the Spirit in all things. I can't rememeber who it was but two prophets had visions where Joseph Smith and Brigham Young visited them and told them to (and I summarize) seek the Spirit and it will guide you in all things and that it is everything. Just do this and everything else will fall into place.

That might be a personalized translation but I believe it's true. Never choose to ignore the Spirit and refrian from doing anything that offends it (which are many) because it makes it harder to notice, recognize and feel the you need to heal of or need to do for others.

If I told you a board game would open my heart to a life time of limiting beliefs and self inflcited pain a few months ago, I would have told you that you need help. Now i know it's really true.

ps - it's usually some false belief or pain that holds us back from wanting to do something we know is good. If you are struggling in doing something, that is a sign of it, because if you really knew the truth and felt it's results you would be blown away and have nothing but every deisre to live it because of the joy and freedom it opens up for you.


To you who remains annonymous...thank you for just being you. There is no greater gift that is you.

Not sure what to write bt something always comes...

This is a blessing I need to show thankfulness for.

Many times in my life, especially as of recent I've been priviledged to suddenly notice or feel or been given what to say or do in a moments notice. I don't know the path, I didn't know the way but I put in the work, exercised my faith and the right thing came about and the best thing came to be.

Lives and hearts are saved when we follow the Spirit and just trust in it's influence.

I just want to make today simple:

- I'm grateful that things change. I have no words to express this...

I'm in awe how God helps all things come to be and if we follow and don't resist, even the most trying and painful of experiences can produce miracles not only in our lives but the lives of others and in ourselves.

-I'm grateful that God really can and does change our very nature if we are willing and ask, so much so that we truly become a different person:

One of my greatest sadnesses I carry is for the way I once was and yet I am grateful fo this because it stays as a constant reminder of who I never want to be again. It kills me that that ones I love most where hurt by such a person but he is no more and for this I am ever grateful to the Lord.

"The gift of the Holy Spirit adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.

In the presence of such persons one feels to enjoy the light of their countenances, as the genial rays of a sunbeam. Their very atmosphere diffuse and thrill, a warm glow of pure gladness and sympathy, to the heart and nerves of others who have kindred feelings, or sympathy of spirit…”
(Parley P. Pratt, p. 101-102 “Key to the Science of Theology”)

This is one of my faovrite quotes and one that I now treasure more and understand and hafv a testimony of more than I ever did before.

There is no deeper and greater joy then to connect and know God. Our very eyes, minds, eyes and lives and hearts open up. We can see more, feel more, understand more and grow more when we come to not only undersatnd him but to listen to Him and recognize His voice and presence throughout our lives.


It's amazing how doubt and fear create this tunnel vision in our hearts so that we can feel all this God is doing for us and when our hearts open up, everything around us becomes this beautiful gift that we can clearly see was created just for us.


I believe I understand even more greatly why the Lord says to love your enemies...

It's so that you can see that you have no enemies. Love will change you and change the way you see and feel for others.


-Vision:

How my life has opened up:

Lately I've been pondering about having vision in my life based on certain particular apsects of my patriarchal blessing and this recently has come into my mind and helped me a great deal.

First off, one cannot maintain commitments and have true vision until they have truly learned to apply and use the Atonement in their life. TYhe faith and experience of the power to the Lord's ability to change things is one of the only things that can help us to have and maintain a trust and faith to not only produce the changes we require in our lives but without that change of heart, our hearts and minds will seek things with the wrong intent or direction.

I experineced this fully before. Things I wanted so badly to change but I felt helpless to do them or believe they could occur. Now it's a different story: if God approves, it can and will happen if I just put in my best efforts and faith.

Anyways, here's something that truly opened my heart and even instigated the process of repentance in my heart and life:

One night the sudden impression came to me as I was pouring my heart in prayer (always pour your heart, otherwise in my opinion it's not prayer) to the Lord concerining the kind of mna I need to be and suddenly this came to my mind:

What kind of men and women do you want your children to like? Then be the kind of man that will help them and show them that kind of example.

Ever since then I've been striving to be and have the qualities and live my testimony to the degree and change my life to the degree that I know my children will see and impress upon them the kind of men and women they can be and ought to seek.

This has changed me in so many ways: from the kinds of goals I seek, the work I sought to do, manner in which I interact with others.

At the end of everyday, I ask myself: how did I do? how did I measure up to the vision of the kind of man I need to be for my children?

This impression has blessed me to no end. I hope it blesses yours.

Go to bed this night and pray for guidance and ask the Lord to help reveal to your the kind of man or women the Lord would like for you to be for your children. Write each quality down and then set goals, even patterns of the kind of person you want and seek to be and ask consistently to always be the best husband/ father or wife/ mother that you could be each day, even if you don't have children inyour life.

You may not see them but you have them regardless. I promise you this.

I have little to say today.

Let me know what you think.

I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Live with purpose and live for God!

Threads in a tapestery

today I wanted to share some simple yet profound things I've been taught lately.

First let me share some of the things I'm so grateful for:

-Sunsets...
-Star lite skys

When I used ot suffer from suicidal depression I had this blessing of an epiphone which looking back I know was God sharing one of his most tender of mercies...

I was walking back from subway eating an oatmeal cookie. I was about 16 at the time and I looked up at the sky and wondered what if this were the last sky I ever looked at? The last cookie I ever savored?

I just stood there and felt this great peace and sadness at the same time. I felt a gratitude that I had never felt before suddenly I saw and felt God in every little thing in my life and started to notice Him in everything I saw, touched and experienced.

I will never forget that day.

Stars hold a deep and profound affect on me.

There have been many times when I felt so lonely and just looking at the stars I know there was someone out there having the same issues also gazing up at the stars wondering if anyone else was there who could understand. I would have a prayer in my heart that they too could feel that they were not alone.

I am so blessed it's astounding.

I'm sure I'll tell you more about stars in the future. I even had this dream but it's of a personal, revelatory nature so it goes in my real journal.


Anyways, here are some beautiful things I;ve been blessed to learn:

1. Love as God loves. Our relationships with others must ultimately folow the patterns we have with God.

I've been really undertstanding this recently as I've been blessed to share many things with others and my closest friends.
One insght that came to me really truly amazed me.

In our relatioship to God we have:

Humility
Faith in Jesus Christ
Repentance
Baptism(covenants)
Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

We often refer to this as a summary of the gospel. This in truth is the means we develop and create a relatioship with our Father in Heaven but not just Him, but also those around us.

I've noticed true love doesn't blossom unless these same steps are taken:

1. To humble ourselves. To realize we are powerless over another and the admit our flaws and mistakes to another person and ourselves

2 Have Faith in Christ's Atonement to change...but let's go simpler. To have faith and exercise faith in the people we love. To believe and trust in them. To believe in adn trust ourselves.

To have faith in what cannot be seen but is true (which are things which are revealed to us through the Spirit)

3. Approach this other person in the spirit of repentance. to forgive and seek forgiveness when we have harmed or been wrong. Not only this but to show we are willing to do whatever it takes to change not just by words and actions but seeking God to help change our heart and perspective, the sources of our mistakes/sins/weaknesses.

4. to make and keep commitments. To show love by the commitments we've made. God needs to be involved. Commitments of any nature fall apart when we haven't truly repented and had a change of heart so this is the true test.

5. The having the Spirit, share greater love and bless the lives of those you love.


Alright so I didn't exactly describe this perfectly by any means...but think of it:

You are having issues with someone.

1. Be humble. Look at yourself and not the other person to change. Admit that you aren't perfect of understand everything and invite God to help you.
2. Have faith that you, they , and God and things can change.
3. Repent: Change what you can change and striving to not just heal your actions but your heart
and that includes forgiving and seeking forgiveness and continually acknowledging your flaws and mistakes.
4. Make and keep commitments that not only show change but instill and deeper love and trust between you and those you love.
5. Now that you have made sincere efforts and relied on God to help change you and faithfully kept your commitments, a change of heart not just in you but in your relationship should occur.

This is where God intervene's and invites another to change.


Notice how this pattern had nothing to do with blame or seeking out what was wrong in another.

I am starting to learn and understand that showing love is about showing what we are willing to do to bless another all of the while respecting them and their choices and feelings..


Lesson # 2:

The spirit is the key to communication.

Well I received and answer to my prayers. I have been praying and pondering if it were ever possible to communicate in a manner that was infailable; that in particular with someone in my life , I would never harm or hurt them again by my words and actions.

Then someone said something profound at ARP tonight which struck me (impression? Yeah)
...how they had this issue with how no matter how loving they strived to say something , this one particular person kept getting hurt and they didn't know what to do because they thought "hey I'ma loving person. how can they keep getting hurt?" and then it dawned on them that the spirit wasn't present when they spoke with them and then they said and that's where they were sinning.

Now looking back I'm starting to see the same thing.

It's only when we ahve the spirit that love or misunderstanding is surpaased and things gently and kindly are communicated. It's not even in just our intentions or how we say it. It is truly dependant that while we speak or write or do anthing that the Spirit is fully present...not half present...I'm begining to understand this more and more each day.

Lesson 3:
In relation to Lesson 1, see Heavenly Father is your Dad and Jesus Christ as your Big Brother and see them both as your best friends.

This one brought tears to my eyes when I saw it things this way and has changed the way I interect with my Father every day.

How do you talk and spend time when you are with your best friends, and not when you play or goof off but when you are having a serious, reverent , intimate and open conversation with them?

Now imagine your Father in Heaven beside you and simply talking with you as a friend does...how would you speak back. Now yes, I absolutely encourage reverent and respectful language when you speak with your Father in Heaven who is the creator of all things, all powerful, merciful and more...yet notice this...

He would always support you
Speak well and good to you
Not lie to you and always be truthful to you
respect your space and knows not to interfere unless it's critical to save you
Listens to everything you have to say
Cares about what you have to say.
Has compassion for you
comfort you when things are hard.
Offers counself when asked for and needed.
been where you have been and you can rely on them through the thick and thin.
Never tear you down, stand up for you and assist you when you get stuck.
Remind and inspire you to be your best self, always set a good example to you
Would give their life for you in a heart beat and more.
Want what's best for you even when it's not always the easy path.

That's our Saviour and our Father in Heaven.

For those of you reading this, imagine a God that is personal and knows you and listens and trusts and believes in you.

What a perfect example of friendship.

John 15: 12-15 (read 15 in particular)

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Now read that again...not just as some impersonal God/ Saviour but as your Saviour and your Big Brother and your Best Friend....

I believe that as we strive to allow our Heavenly Father and Saviour be our best friends and we strive to be their friends, the relationships in our lives will begin to reflect this very relationships we have with them.

It's my prayer that I will always be considered not only one of God's sons but also my Saviour's friend and that I will treat all people especially those I love (above all my future companin and my children) with the kind of love Christ shares with me everyday and that I in turn strive the share with Him everyday.


Well that's all I'm going to share today. I can't spend forever writing in this blog although i'm not surprised that I can write this much in such short period of time.

I'm thinking that Lord knowing what he's talking about when I finally felt impressed to take up copywriting. It will be very interesting.

I hope you all grow and discover more and more of the Lord's tender mercies all around you.

We are all part of this great tapestry where we cannot see the whole picture because we are just this small thread, but one thread out of place can be seen by those who see it all and every thread plays an important part in the expresion of something greater and more beautiful then the thread can realize.

Know you have a place and purpose and reason foir being and that you are a part of something great even when you cannot see if all.

Love you all.

Till next post!

The Start of a new day

So welcome to my blog.

Some of you might be wondering "why are you starting a blog?"

Well before I get to that, here are some ground rules:

1. I'm not going to hide anything. That includes my religious beliefs and my membership in the Church of Jesus Chriost of Latter day Saints so if you start seeing lingo here that you don't understand or scares or puts you off, tough cookies.

2. I ask that if you reply ot any post or post something that you be respectful. Golden rule and all.

3. If you take offense to anything I'm writing, that's you not me. I love you and if there is anything I say or post on here that makes you feel uncomfortable, then please contact me and let me know and I'll do my best to make amends.


So...back to business.

The reason I'm writing a blog is because I've been doing a lot of growing lately and even though I keep a strict journal, it just didn't fell like enough and yesterday after the Single Adult's Fireside and the talk about ARP (that's the Addiciton Recovery Program; GO TO IT! It rocks!) it got me thinking that about something I've been feeling I've been needing to do for a while:

I've felt the need to record the tender mercies that the Lord has bestowed on me on a regular basis and not necessarily the big one's which will remain private in my journal and between me and the Lord, but because I feel this urge and need to record the belssings in my life more and maybe even record some of the many lessons I've been learning these last few months and make a continuous record of these things.

..So I felt this was the best venue to accomplish all of this and it would get me in the habit of producing content for the websites I have going on (coming soon)

I also feel a deeper of desire to open my heart more to others and this is one way in which to do that.



So there you have it.


So let's get started:

Last night was a tough night. I can't get into great detail about all of my personal experiences but it was tough. That's all you need to know.

As a result I woke up this morning thinking I really need to not only recognize my blessings but really celebrate the growth and achievements that I've made in just these last few months.


I go to the Addiction Recovery Program.

A certain particular personal experience triggered it all for me. I had been praying and striving all of my life to repent and change but after all of the knowledge and witnesses and testimonies of the gospel's truthfulnes and so much more, there was just one thing missing, and I had prayed to God in the past to help me with this: I didn't know how to apply the Atonement and I didn't have a personal testimony of my Saviour. I had a spiritual tesitmony and even intellectual but I never knew Him because I never truly understood how to apply and receive the Atonement in my life...

Once I got that, man the changes that have taken place!

Which is sort of why I'm writing. It amazing how so much can change and yet you cna so easily forget in such a short time all the growth that you achieved.

Once I healed up all of the guilt, pain, resentment, fears and sadness that I had carried in my soul, my mind and heart started to heal...everything changed.

It was scary! It was only 3 weeks and I felt without any doubt that I had felt a full remission of my sins and even had to go to others and confirm it because it was scary. Not only didn't I previously not believe completely that something like that was possible but I was experiencing it faster than i expected. I was amazing and still is.


Somehow the Lord saw fit to put me through the ARP process at an accelerated rate that even now I'm still in shock that I even survived it. It was without a doubt a miracle beyond understanding and I now that it was from the Lord because I never would have been able to sustain something like that..literally. Every night I went to bed I was so physically, mentally and spiritually drained from the experience that I could hardly move and then the next morning I was fine. Let me put it this way: EFY counsellor was a cake walk in comparison to this. Each and every single day I was guided by who to speak to and what to read and it seemed every hour the Lord kept blessing me so that I got the next principle throughly and deeeply in my mind and heart and with a complete understanding that I never knew before.

My repentance was thorough, deep and complete. I filled in every part of the workbook. Prayed and fasted over every principle (lost 10 pounds; I'm barely starting the gain the weight back) and approached each step only when I felt guided by the spirit.

I also had the most intense crash course on faith like nothing I could ever imagine and I'm still learning about it...

I am also amazed at the Lord's timing in all of this.

4 people who needed my testimony and help these last 2 months would not have been able to be helped by me if I didn't have a complete and full testimony of the repentance process and offer them counsel and blessings that were required sepcifically by my hand in their lives. There is also another reason it happened so fast but I won't get into that right now.

I was just talking to a friend of mine and said I really knew that I had changed because of all of the trials I had faced these last 2 months have been the hardest and that this should have been the most likely thing to push me towards my past addicitions and I realized they are so far from my mind I don't even think about them and just focus on applying the Atonement to help me through the pain of my current situation... well I know I've been healed and as long as I hold fast to the Lord, I will be blessed to ever retain it.

That discovery blew me away. I complete forgot I even have addictions in my life or myself. It really feels like someone else's life. I mean yes I'm aware I had them but ...I don't know how to put it...it's not in the forefront or any front of my mind. That said, daily repentance and avoidance and abhorance of sin and the very appearance of sin is just a way of life and how my heart feels. It's not forced. That's when you truly know you've had a change of heart. It's not forced. It's from the real you. It's just me being true to the intimations I feel in my heart and soul like never before which were changed by God's grace, love, teaching, understanding and goodness.

So...

Everything's changed. I cannot explain it.

Let me see...

Here a good list:

-I rearranged my whole basement. Even bought picutres
-threw out 80% of my books,
-threw out 7 years of material I had downloaded
-Got rid of nearly all of my clothes
-Sold my videogames and Xbox; I lost all desire for TV and videogames and even most movies..
(even my friends are bugging me because when they go to a movie there's nothing I can practically see)
-I cleaned up my facebook, desk, house, friends, schedule..

and so much more...

And is This is just to stupid stuff...
Pictures for my walls, house plant, new wardrobe

My life changed permanently...
I have changed permanently...

I was at ARP meeting two Tuesday's ago and it was my turn to share and I stared at my workbook and all I could feel/say was "it feels so long ago. I don't even remember who this guy was". I cried.

The Lord was not kidding when He said it would be a rebirth. I literally feel like I was born a couple of months ago. It's impossible to express. I feel I have a very different soul and being.

The very nature of my personality changed. I.e. I discovered that I've hated violent movies all of my life (stupid weird kid neighbor that made us watch Die Hard when I was just 8) and that I'm a ridiculous romantic and always have been (love reading classic novels, read/wrote poetry, love cooking and food and dancing ans singing and only listen and learn sappy music and LOVE nature and so much more)... I don't laugh at the same things or care or worry or react to things the same way. My heart and mind and life are in a different place right now.

I feel true self and alive for the first time in my life in a long time and trust me I've tried making changes in my life before and this is time it is permanent.

I used to always receive revelation in prayer and scripture study but now it's not even funny.

I'll get into that another day...

And again that's just the fun stuff.

Everything emotionally and spiritually has changed so much:

Besides loving scriptures study (which I always have) and personal prayer and attending church and temple...

There is power and deeper passion for it that I know I've always had within me but addiction and pain held me capative to feel and express it and live it to the degree I've known. Even Love that I've always had within me that I could not acceess not just for others but for myself has come to the point of boogling my mind. How can someone truly love when they canot fully access God's love for themselves?

Everything from fasting to giving priesthood blessings has blossomed in ways I cannot express of explain.

All of my relationships have shifted and grown.

The truest and most precious of friends have risen in my life in ways I cannot express.

Now, I'm just ranting. And I could maybe go on forever.

The point is ...

Everything has changed and I am in awe and wonder at how the Lord did it all.

My old heart has been taken from me and a new and vibrant caring loving and righteously pasioante one has been put in it's place. My mind sees the world so differently and the tender feelings in my heart feel so much more than I ever knew were possible. Parley P Pratt's quote on the Spirit is 100% bang on. I'll find it later and post it.

Now if you are thinking that this has been all honky-dory(is that how you spell it?), you are wrong:

This has been literally the most trying time of my life. Even after years of abuse and sadness and depression and suicidal years and illness, lonelines and struggle, nothing compares to what I have had to bare these last few months. I would even say that if I put all of thise things together, this has been ten times worst. There are parts from my soul that I've cried from that never even existed since recently. And I am so blessed because of it...


This isn't the topic of my blog. If you want to know about all that has occurred then as a close friend of mine either I have told you or you've have to steal my journal to know about the whole details...


Well...let me just get to finishing this first post:


What I am grateful for:

-the Atonement and finally experiencing the power that can heal and overcome every adversity and imperfection and pain and anything that holds us back from God's presence.

-The gospel. It's true, simple, and complete.

-The blessing I have each day to receive revelation, which I do everytime I pray (George Q Cannon - Don't get off your knees until you have felt filled with the Holy Ghost)
and everytime I read my scriptures. I have read the Book of Mormon more times than I can remember. It is true. Period. There is no book I love more.

-The Comfort of the Holy Ghost which guides me not only in my life but in every moment of my life.

-The Modern day Prophet and General Authorities. It amazes me how power and counsel comes from these men who can witness and testify and Know Jesus is the Christ and that He lives.

-The temple. I never would have been able to survive everything I have gone through if I hadn't been attending the temple 3 times a week (I'm just on the grounds currently; just a few more months adn things will change). I miss it when I'm not there. It's the only place that feels like home. I often cry when I drive by it at times.

-For true and inspired friends who not only set an example for me but help me keep a faith like nothing I could ever have imagined or believed God would ask of me to maintain. They are complete and utter miracles to me in ways I cannot express. Thank you.

-For my family. They are so precious to me. Even though they struggle with so much, they have love and honesty and sincerity like no other. There is no one else like them in all of the world. You are all my best friends and teachers. I love you guys!

- For the priviledge and blessing I have to have the Priesthood and to provide blessings for others and not only that but to be blessed with such a precious gift...I'm in awe that God trusts me with a gift like this. I'm always humbled by God's power to do something like this through me (what I'm talking about is sacred so please don't ask)

-I'm grateful for inspired leaders. My bishop is a living breathing and walking miracle. Some of the most miraculous experiences recently I have had in my life occurred through him. Also for all of the many great men who served as my Bishops in the past. Your counsel still affects my life to this day.

-I'm gratefull for my callings. Just the other day someone I home taught 2 years ago called me, was back in town and asked me for a blessing because I was one of the only people she felt she could trust. The blessing I gave her was beyond imagination or understanding. What an honor and priviledge to bring the love of God into others lives.

-I'm grateful for my Father in Heaven and My Saviour. I have no words to express my love and gratitude for them in my life.

And then there are the things I cannot really even mention that I am so grateful for:

Miracles in the Lord's timing and perfect counsel and comfort and understanding.

I have so many miracles happen each day there just seems to many to record.


Here are some of the simple things I'm gratfeul for:

- Martial Arts...oh how I miss thee...let me count the blitzkrieg attacks! Soon to be instructor...
:P

- My new and highly guided endeavor in copywriting. How did the Lord know? No idea. 2 weeks of fasting and praying as a family sure helped though.

- Being able to go outside and exercise again! Man, I used to do full contact karate 3 times a week, a paper route, lift weights, run for an hour 3 times a week, do track and whatever else I felt inspired to do...

Man I love to be me again!

Here I come martial arts, Intu-Flow, power lifting, biking, swimming, hiking, rock climbing and possibly triathelon if I can fit it in. Need me a bike, pronto.

-I'm grateful for Squamish! Man it's going to be a blast!

-Oh how I LOVE guitar and singing again! This new singing course is amazing thank you very much.

-Poetry...ah the dews of heaven caressing the sweet cockles of my heart. Sing oh my depths of presonal grace Sing!

-I'm grateful for nice clothes. Yes that's right. Shocking isn't. Finally went shopping and like everything else I've suppress in my life, turns out I have ridiculous class and good sense of taste and style in clothes and I actually enjoy looking my best. Just expresses who I am and how I feel to the world. If someon is thinking I'm like a little girl, I balance things out by learning how to beat people...so you've been warned!

-My cologne because it's amazing.

-For good pens (and that I got for free). The only thing telus ever gave me that was worth anything

-For the wealth that the Lord has entrusted in me. WE live on one of the wealthiest and most prosperous times in all of history, in one of the safest, most peaceful and beautiful countries in the world. It amazes me how blessed we all are

-For the safety of my family in Chile. I'm so glad they were ok. They are still struggling to a degree. My cousin lost his house. I pray for them everyday.


-I'm grateful for great healthy food. Man I love food! I'm going to go eat me an artichoke right now!

-I'm grateful for good books. Man I missed reading! And only the classics...

I dare anyone to guess my favorite...hint: it's not that manly and I don't care because it's about love and I'm man enough to admit that.

-I'm grateful for my mind and health. I am so blessed to have such gifts.

-I'm grateful for nature. How I love the stars, mountains and tree and earth and wind and sun and how I can feel God's grace in all of these things.

-I'm grateful for possibly the greatest miracle, promise and blessing I have received in my life...the Lord always fulfills His promises.

Ok so there the "gratitude" part of my blog

Here's a few of the lessons:

1 . I've been learning about free agancy plays such a powerful and essential part of any relationship. We cannot hinder in any way and in fact encourage it.

A selfish heart will always harm someone no matter how you communicate.

A heart that hasn't completely healed will always feel hurt no matter how perfectly you communicate love. This is an eye opener for me...

It's heart breaking because it's often the people you want to love the most that seem to get hurt the easiest and get things confused. I learned that after forgiving my dad. I didn't even know how much love my Dad was trying to give me this whole time. Also trying to control or force others to see something when they aren't ready is abusive.

Love is more than just feeling. It's about respect. Something I'm learning about everyday.

I can't stop others from feeling hurt even when I never meant to or to stop from demonizing you. We cannot control others. All we can do is love them and hope that that love will one day touch and reach their hearts. I think it was David O McKay or Grant who quoted a friend that said "It's a fool who feels inslut when insult was not intented"..or something like that. We also need to be aware that when we feel hurt by others actions, to look at where we are responsilble. Did that person intend me harm? Am I letting my hurt cloud my judgement?

I used to think and react to every word and action my father did as an attack or conspiracy to get me or control me...it was ridiculous although at the time I was 100% convinced it was true. After I finally searched my soul and realized it was based on fears and sorrows of the past, when I finally forgave him, I was shocked to notice and feel that everything he did was out of love and not to hurt me in the least bit. I was like "Who is this guy and where did he come from?"


I'm learning to really be careful and ask myself "what are my motivations for this?" Why am I doing this? What do I expect from this person or from this outcome? Is there some part of this where I am being selfish/self seeking?

It's hard to admit but sometimes that part slips in. It will take time and practice but one day, things will be changed...

2. Love the way the Lord does. This is something I am learning about each day. God is never gets offended if we yell at Him and always there to love us unconditionally even though we make mistkaes. He believes in us and our hearts. We need ot learn to do the same with those we love. He listens and only offers advice when we ask or when He knows (for us that wouldmean motivatd by the spirit) it's necessary.

It's my prayer and hope that I will learn to communicate in a manner that will never harm or hurt others (my future companion or children most of all) and that follows the Lord's pattern of love because let's face it, I could do everything perfect and still someone could misinterpret what I meant to do or say. Also, I'm not God so I need to face the fact that I will make mistakes.


3. Being hard on myself.

After all of the changes I've made somehow the Adversary has found a way to still make me feel like I have not done enough and that I need to do more.

Bfore I write this blog, you have no idea how much hurt and pressure and doubt I felt in myself.

The Adversary works based on pressure.

Codependency works that way. We love too much and either take on too much thinking and hoping others will love us if we do certain things. Never feeling like you are enough or capable enough or worthy.

There is a difference between what I feel inspired to do and what i feel pressured to do.

God inspires, that adversary pressures.

God believes in you, the Adversary would make you feel like you haven't done enough.

Well I guess that's it.

I had a lot to share. If I maintain this blog, it should be less.

Again the format will be things I am grateful for and lessons I have learned.

Next up, probably a massive exposition on things I have learned these last few months.

I feel like I need to amke some kind of record of it.

Anyways, I hope this wasn't too much for you and if so...meh.


With love and the greatest of faith and joy: Live, love , learn, leave a legacy and do it with God by your side at all times, always.